Moving Past ADHD Shame and Embracing Who You Really Are
If you live with ADHD, you may know the quiet feeling of shame that sneaks in when you forget something, miss a deadline, or struggle with routines others find easy. I see this every day in my coaching practice, and I want you to know this clearly:
There is nothing wrong with you. Your brain is not broken! Did you know that ADHD brains are more critical of themselves and carry more negative thoughts about themselves compared to neurotypicals?
You are not “behind.” Our brains run a million miles a minute, and without knowing, we can feel like we need to keep up with the speed. If we are not aware of this, we can run ourselves ragged. Our autopilot tells us to work faster and harder. We need to override that autopilot and actually learn to slow down and pause. Simply, we can not keep up physically with our brain speed! As Dr Hallowell says, we have Ferrari engines with bicycle brakes. So we must learn to work on our brakes first.
Where Does ADHD Shame Come From?
ADHD shame comes from years of being misunderstood, not from who you are. Most adults I work with have spent their whole lives trying to fit into a world that wasn’t designed for their wiring. And once they finally understand how their brain actually works, the shame starts to fall away. If we are not taught and we are left to compare and contrast ourselves to others, we feel different, we feel broken, like there is definitely something wrong with us. We must learn to stop comparing and contrasting and learn instead what our attributes and strengths are, and then work on finding ways to work with our challenges. Did you know that most ADHD people do not like to ask for help? So we need to work with our negative internal dialogue and rewrite the script.
What Can You Do To Help Let Go of ADHD Shame
Here’s what I see over and over again with my clients that helps them let go of ADHD shame:
1. Understanding Your Wiring Changes Everything
When you learn what’s ADHD—and what’s not—you stop blaming yourself. You start saying, “Oh… this makes sense.” And that’s the moment compassion begins.
2. Small Wins Heal Long-Term Self-Doubt
You don’t need a dramatic change overnight. One 10-minute task, one new routine, one moment of clarity. Baby steps! These tiny steps rebuild trust in yourself.
3. Reframing Your “Struggles” Reveals Your Strengths
ADHD brains are creative, intuitive, passionate, curious, and resilient. You’ve had these strengths your whole life—shame just made them harder to see! I can’t tell you how many clients put themselves down even when it comes to their strengths! We are way too critical of ourselves.
4. Being Supported By Someone Who Understands Matters
Surround yourself with those who support you and encourage you. You deserve a space where you aren’t judged but understood. A space where your neurodivergence is respected, not minimized or criticized. That’s really the heart of ADHD coaching. Working with someone who has gone through it themselves and is there to help guide you and encourage you to be your authentic self
Ready to Embrace Who You Really Are?
You are a human being with a powerful brain that works differently, and beautifully, and more importantly, you are perfect just the way you are! Sure, we can always improve ourselves and learn and grow, but we must start with grace for ourselves. How about letting ourselves off the hook? That internal chatter telling you to work harder, faster, better is not helping you at all. When we stop fighting our wiring and start embracing it, life becomes lighter, clearer, and far more manageable. Shame loses its grip the moment you begin seeing yourself through a compassionate lens. The weight on your shoulders lightens, and life becomes more balanced.
If I were able to turn it around, then I believe you can too. The moment my client gets it, that’s an aha moment, that click, it’s a huge success, and it happens frequently! Just by learning and being open. It’s a course that was never taught in school, or a class that was never designed for us, so it is about time we learn about how our brains are wired. If you’re ready to drop the shame and learn to work with your brain, not against it, let’s talk.
